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Fantasy Football Captain Picks

Fantasy Football Captain Picks Gameweek 14

Fantasy Football Captain Picks Gameweek 14

Fantasy Football Captain Picks Gameweek 14

Welcome to Fantasy Football Captain Picks Gameweek 14.  I thought I’d keep it short ‘n’ sweet and offer you four clear candidates and four differentials. Without further ado, let’s have a look at the latter:

Theresa May:

(photo by Mike Kemp/In Pictures via Getty Images)

Pro: Brexit; Currently (notional) captain of the Blues. Runs round, slightly crazily, in circles.

Cons: (ervative); possibility she may longer be in play by the time GW14 comes around. Those circles will become ever decreasing and eventually result in a comical self-collision.

Captain Mainwaring:

(Photo by Michael Putland/Getty Images)

Pros: The rotund captain was probably fitter in his middle age than 98.8% of the current population of the UK. Has Wilson and Fraser to call upon.

Cons: In spite of his relative fitness, is unlikely to last 90 minutes; 98.8 seconds of ill-humoured huff and puff may be the best you get.

John Keating:

Pros: Only answers to Whitman’s O Captain! / my Captain! If that’s not a ready made captain then I’m J. Alfred Prufrock.

Cons: Tendency to fall foul of conservative organisations, so may not get on with the FA.

Skippy the bush kangaroo:

Pros: Bouncing in at number 4, Skips is the fittest of this quartet; ‘Skippy’ sounds a bit like ‘skipper’.

Cons: last seen on British TV in the early 1970s. I’m not sure what the average life expectancy of a kangaroo is, but Skippy may be quite elderly now.

Less fancifully, perhaps, here are four more candidates:

Eden Hazard

(Photo by Marc Atkins/Getty Images)

Pros: Home game versus one of the league’s worst sides. Certainly its most generous, in terms of a leaky defence. On paper it seems an easy decision, one where I’d say don’t overthink it, just do it. However…

Cons: Recent returns and the ankle injury have made owners edgy, reflected in >50k transfers out at time of writing: probably a straight swap with Sterling. Talk of the Ranieri bounce largely irrelevant now and the word ‘bounce’ has already been covered in this article.

Mo Salah

(Photo by John Powell/Liverpool FC via Getty Images)

Pros: The prattle of his being a one-season wonder has drifted away in the aether. Getting back to his consistent self as Liverpool motor(ik) on.

Cons: Lack of BPS can be frustrating (judging by the yells of rage on the comments’ board).


(Photo by Tom Flathers/Man City via Getty Images)

Pros: Home game against a side unlikely to park the bus. Man City comfortably in the lead amongst sides creating big chances.

Cons: As discussed last week, the new hair-do brings out his inner Leland Palmer. Seldom gets 90 minutes. But does that matter?

Raheem Sterling

(Photo by Catherine Ivill/Getty Images)

Pros: Something of a differential in terms of ownership, though not for much longer given the numbers bringing him in. Monstrously good form. And see the pros for Aguero above.

Cons: Naysayers may whisper the word ‘rotation’, causing mass Xanax chomping. But don’t worry, and don’t live on the raw edge of imminent nervous collapse. Just make sure your vice-captain isn’t your goalkeeper.

*I prepared a fair amount of this before Hazard keeled over. I have no idea how bad his injury is. Haz spoke some plucky words about it. It seems fair to mention the ones who got away from the article, namely Mane and Vardy. But I suspect most people will be on Salah or one of the City players anyway, unless Hazard is OK.

Best of luck.

Thanks for reading Fantasy Football Captain Picks Gameweek 14. This article was written by Kralin.




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  1. 7
    AJW says:

    Wonderful stuff Kralinho! I was busy dreaming when you uttered the words ‘publish and be damned’, last night, so could not congratulate you, but may have done so in typical Leland-Bob style during that time.
    But as usual, your article was jam-packed with facts, well-considered advice & a nice dose of humour. Well done!

    And what a wonderful photo of Skippy in her prime! I doubt that she is still in her kangaroo nursing home, as kangaroo life expectancy depends on the particular breed. It can be anything between 8 to 20 odd years. Even less if kangaroo communities live close to conglomerations of alcohol-crazed gun-toting yobs!
    Skippy was an Eastern Grey, so I’m sure she probably only witnessed the beginning of Kylie Minogure’s colourful career!
    I have included a link to video of 1980’s comedy group ‘Fast Forward’ & their ‘Skippy and the nuclear bomb’ episode. Puerile and archaically naive in it’s approach, it still made me giggle!
    Shall I ever end this hopeless modernist monologue & get back to football? Eventually! Enjoy your day! smile

  2. 8
    Mr Go says:

    Hi all,

    What’s the best course of action? I am tempted to save my FT, but really not sure who to start/bench and would like to get rid of Hughes. 1FT and 1.4 ITB.

    Patricio Lossl
    Alonso Gomez Keane Bennett Wan B
    Hazard Sterling Mane Hughes Masuaku
    Augero Murray Jimenez

  3. 9

    Another success Kralin.

    Succinct, funny and salient. Love it!

    “Don’t tell ’em Pike!”

  4. 10
    Colriles says:

    Cheers Kralin. Armband’s currently on Alonso for me, time to mix it up with this crap season.

    Here’s me so far for this week – do I Hazard > Sterling or cross fingers and sit tight? 1 Ft, 0.8 itb.

    • 10.1
      AK47 says:

      Mitro will score on Sunday.

      • Colriles says:

        Haha AK! You’re a more optimistic Cottager than I am at this point smile Just trying to play the numbers and turn my awful FPL season around. Even if we nick one, would be shocked to not see Alonso among the goals/assists the way we defend (or don’t) speedy wingers down the flanks.

    • 10.2
      Kralin says:

      Alonso could be a success as captain but if he isn’t, and one of the others is amongst the goals, then your ranking could take quite a tumble. I just wouldn’t. Maybe make him your vice-captain and let destiny decide.

  5. 11

    Sarri on Hazard today “I am worried that Hazard had a back injury and now ankle. He has lost a lot of training, so it is normal he is not at the top of his physical condition. This week it is useful for him to have training. He cannot play 10 matches in 30 days – sometimes he has to rest.”

  6. 12
    theswirly says:

    Cheers for a great article, Kralin. Might go for Captain Mainwaring as my captain. Clue is in the name, I suppose, but also the fact that he’ll probably somehow still get me points compared to Richarlison last week and Mane the week before that! laugh

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