Fantasy Football Diary – GW’s 24 – 26

Fantasy Football Diary – GW’s 24 – 26.

Welcome to Fantasy Football Diary. While it’s not been so long since my last diary entry, quite a lot has happened as you will read below, if you can stay awake! From a FPL point of view there has been, as you would expect, good, bad and comical and the odd capo faux pas!

From a personal point of view, most of you will be glad to know that things have taken a turn for the better.

I hope you enjoy the read – or at least it alleviates some of the boredom that a blank week ahead brings!
Onwards & upwards.

Game-week 24
A midweek game-week can be fun or frustrating, quite often both. For me right now midweek means away from the family, generally kipping round a mate’s house, either in Bedford or Essex. This week both. I hate being away from the kids, though it does give me some respite from the in-laws and their worsening behaviour. Early evening Monday I got on the road from Bath to Bedford, just me, TalkSport, some Adele (I know, I know) and a sandwich. Halfway along the M4 I got to listen to something I hadn’t heard for many years…..the FA Cup draw. It took me back to my childhood, when if I recount accurately, the draw was on Radio 2. Showing my age now!.

I spend the night in Bedford as my Essex mate has got some new squeeze on the go from Friday-Monday inclusive! He’s 58, she’s 28. Lucky/dirty old b**tard.

I’m introduced to the comedy show ‘Two Doors Down’ which is basically a remake of the Royle Family but based in Scotland. It’s funny, give it a go – Mondays on BBC2.

Onto GW24 and I’m holding my transfer, my only decisions were whether to play Digne (away vs Huddersfield) or Brooks (home vs Chelsea) and who to captain between Salah (home to Leicester) or Auba (home to Cardiff). Safety, with a hint of fear forced me to capo Salah.

I’m now in Essex – snow has been forecast around the south-east for 2 days and all I’ve seen is sun and blue skies.

Life really has changed while we’ve been abroad. My mate has this Google Home thing which under orders turns on the lights, tv, plays music in different rooms. Bit weird really. I heard my mate go to bed and he asked Google to turn his tv on. Lazy b**tard.

I set up to play Digne but asked on site and everyone who answered agreed.

The rest is history.

If you recall (Digne owners will), Digne was benched but came on for the injured Baines on 55mins and was promptly red-carded just 11mins later. -2. That’s minus 2. His score, not the temperature. 24 hours later, Brooks scored, assisted, grabbed a clean sheet point and bonus point for a 12pt return. On my bench. Small margins this FPL lark. Bollocks.

The same night as Digne’s deadly cameo, Auba scored, assisted and took maximum points for a healthy 12pt score. 24 hours later, Salah went missing vs Leicester.

Not one to overreact or throw the toys out, I resisted the temptation to rage transfer Digne and hit the Doom Bar.

The only other success story this GW was my pair of Wolves – a Doherty cs together with Jimenez’s 12pts.

It turns out that TAA is still injured lol. And Liverpool conceded to blunt all those pesky Robbo & VvD owners.

I end on 47pts. The average is 42 and somehow I climb 4k places to 65k. But it could so easily have been so much better.

Game-week 25
The lead up to DGW25 was spent in Essex and London. Google Home and I became good friends, I applied for a few more jobs and had an interview in London town.

And then the unthinkable happened. It snowed on Thursday night. And I was driving back Friday afternoon. It was particularly bad in the south west, ie around Bath. What would I do? The mrs will go mad if I’m away any longer. The in-laws will likely throw a party.

I brave the conditions. Just for the kids. The M25 is fine as is the first part of the M4, but between Reading & Swindon the road was treacherous, the snow horizontal. My main thought was, ‘what the hell am I going to do with Hazard?’ The numpty has been crap for weeks and I still don’t own Pogba or Son. But Chelsea host Huddersfield this week. Form over fixtures? Hmmmm.

Also, this week is City’s DGW and I only own Sane. Time for Kun me thinks. But that would mean selling Auba only to bring him back for next week’s trip to the candy stall that is Huddersfield.

I survive snowy Swindon and make it back to the loving arms of the in-laws. The kids are really pleased to see me, which really pisses off the oldies.

I spend the evening putting the kids to bed, eating fish & chips and then retiring upstairs for FPL planning. I get somewhat distracted by having to take charge of the site team indecision. My motion to sell Auba for Kun is marginally carried. And we captain him.

Onto Cookie’s Monsters and I decide to keep Hazard for one more week. I sell Auba and buy Kun, have to attack the DGW. I decide to capo Kun too.

Then Mito pipes up that Brooks is out for a month. One never knows with Mito so I double check on twitter and it’s confirmed. Fck it. I do have another free transfer so it makes sense to use it. The alternatives to Brooks are few and far between – Moutinho of Wolves has form and the fixtures, but that would mean 3 Wolves. A pack indeed. Too many? Maybe. But I buy him nonetheless.

Back to domestic matters and we were meant to hear whether we would get funding for a house today. But it was radio silence. No doubt it was the fault of the snow. Naughty snow.

Saturday morning and the mrs and I take the kids to the snow covered park. William gets to sledge and has bundles of fun. I wish Init good luck. Game on.

I have no representation in Spurs’ 1-0 win over Toon but with the heavily-owned Son scoring I’m playing catch up as the 3pm kicks offs get under way.

An early Doherty assist is ruined by him losing the cs. But Moutinho goes on to assist and Jimenez scores so the pack contributes well – 20pts from the trio.

Hazard rewards my loyalty by scoring twice and Wan-Bissaka adds a clean sheet. I’m on 40pts from 5 players at close of play.

The evening sees curry for dinner (standard) and then folks we watched a film together. Like a proper family. No fighting, shouting or abuse.

Onto Sunday and Rashford & Shaw contribute a goal and clean sheet respectively. Nice start to the day.

I take the kids out for a walk up the lane. I check my score. 53 from 7 – everyone has so far contributed either a goal, assist or clean sheet. Unheard of.

And then it hit me. Hard. I can’t believe what is in front of me. My team shows Sané captain, Salah vice. How the hell? I captained Kun. I’m sure I captained Kun. It was late. And I got distracted by the Brooks scenario. (Mito’s fault).

Oh no. No no no. The names I am calling myself (silently obviously, the kids are around).

The rest is history.

Sané is benched. Kun starts.

Kun scores a hat-trick. Sané remains on the bench. I want to cry FPL tears. Not even Google Home can help me with this one.

TWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.

I end the day on 70pts which is way above average but it could have been, should have been so much better. Kun (c) would have provided a huge green arrow. Probably back towards the top 20-25k.

Sané better play and deliver vs Everton in midweek.

Some good news my long suffering friends. We heard about the house this afternoon. I was so nervous calling the lady. She sounded pensive on the voicemail so naturally I assume she is delivering the bad news that our application has been turned down.

But no. We’ve been approved. We have a house. Or will have once the forms have been signed. I’m so happy. Relieved. Elated. Soon we will be out of this hell hole and away from the behaviour and abuse of the two vile drunkards. The mrs will still be about but come on, Rome wasn’t built in a day 😉

I tell the Mrs the news about the house.

Lads, why do women have an unerring tendency to deflate the happiest of situations. Is it just me?

Back to FPL and Monday night for me means Salah vs Fabianski and ultimately a zzzzzzzzz. Five points between them.

Just Sané (c) and Kun to go.

I hear from a company in Bristol that they want to see me on Thursday re a job. More good news.

If only I’d have captained Ku……leave it Cookie, move on…..

Wednesday evening. There is speculation all day on the City line up.

6.45pm all is revealed. Sané starts. As does Kun. At least my Capo (grrrrr) has a chance to redeem himself and pacify yours truly.

‘Google, please let Sané score a hatty’.

OMG. O.M.G.

O.M.F.G.

1pt. Doubled to 2pts as he is my Capo. Woohoo. Pep hauls off Sané on 59mins. That’s just rubbing it in you bald Spanish ****.

My GW ends miserably. Like so many others. I’m so mad with myself. And I know Mito is loving it, the buffoon

I end the week on 79pts vs the average of 65 and rise 7k places to 58,898. But it could and should have been infinitely better and a real boost as we approach the DGWs & BGWs.

C’est la vie.

I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

I have a job interview tomorrow and this time next week me and the gang will be in our new place.

‘Google, play me some Barry White and please turn off the lights on GW25’.

Game-week 26
The job interview went well, I think. Good people and seems like a really vibrant, welcoming company to work for. I really want this job and will be gutted if I don’t get it.

Back at the ranch and Lady Gin is on the attack. She knows her time with us is running out and she’s well and truly going for it.

It’s weird as we actually get on well until the witching hour and then I hate her for she says the most horrible things. According to her I’m a ‘bastard’ and ‘low-life’. Lol. Been called worse. She can **** off. Evil wench.

My FPL thinking is to sell Kun and buy Auba and probably sell Hazard and finally buy Son. Shame about the hit though. Pogba would also be nice vs Fulham but I can’t buy them all and as a Cockney Red I’ll just be happy for Pog & Utd to carry on their form. A win at the weekend coupled with City beating Chelsea would see Utd go fourth.

Olé Olé Olé. Damn you Mourinho. Go back to Madrid and annoy Mito.

Friday night, 5 nights left with the in-laws and FPL decision time. Init has taught me well. I’m in bed relatively early as one of the girls has woken up and I need no further invitation to leave the madness downstairs for daughter cuddles, peace & FPL in the serenity of our bedrooom.

The news on Auba is that he was sick midweek but ‘will be fine’ for the weekend. Contradicting reports on Twitter suggest he both did and didn’t train today with further ‘itks’ saying he hasn’t travelled to Huddersfield.

Hmmmm. I’ll wait to see what ‘news’ emerges pre-deadline. I may just keep Kun this week. The focus shifts to the midfield. Son should come in finally but Pogba faces Fulham. Both would be great.

I ask on site what people think. And promptly fall asleep lol. I awake in the middle of the night to see the opinion is 4-0 in Pogba’s favour. Hmmmm. Not what I was expecting. I was sure to buy Son. Pobga vs Fulham sounds appetising mind you.

I follow the advice and buy Pogba. Ignoring Son again is dangerous so fingers crossed. I sell Sané and keep Hazard on the basis that I don’t trust Pep whereas Hazard will defo play.

Saturday morning and the (unconfirmed) word is that Auba hasn’t travelled, so I keep Kun. Capo Salah (I double checked!)

Deadline time. Good luck Init. Rashford is on the bench, Pogba starts as does Shaw.

United win 3-0 and new boy scores a brace and 3bps for 16pts. Should have capo’d the bugger! 6pts also from Shaw but 0 from Rashford who stays on the bench, so Wan-Bissaka will autosub in.

A good start to the GW.

The 3pms confirm Auba’s absence. Oooops the site team bought him on Thursday- the dangers of publishing pre-pressers right there. However, we are here to serve 😉

Salah scores for an 8pter doubled. Should have skippered Pogba! Kolasinac is this week’s FPL comedy figure as his injury time own goal deprives him and me of a clean sheet and 3bps.

Fabianski contributes his mandatory 3pts, Wan-Bissaka just a single point.

I end the day on 44pts from 6 players. 4 nights left here. The evening is relatively peaceful. I fall asleep during MOTD.

Sunday morning and I take the kids to soft play. I ponder whether I was right not getting Son – we shall see this afternoon.

I get home and the mrs is fighting with the in-laws. Jeez. Wednesday cannot come soon enough.

Spurs vs Leicester – no Son for me. The bugger only goes and scores late on again. Annoying bastard, thought I’d got away with one then. But Pogba’s brace & bps outweigh Son’s 6pts so the right decision was made. Thanks lads.

I have to give the mrs a pep talk about biting her tongue for just a few more days. It’ll no doubt fall on deaf ears.

City vs Chelsea is more Federer vs just about anyone bar Nadal or Djokovic as Pep’s Saneless team wins 6-0. Another Kun hatty is most welcomed…..as Kop remarked, “thank fck Auba got the sniffles’!! Definitely avoided a pitfall there.

Feel bad about the site team as I suggested Kun to Auba on Thursday and we had to act to get the article published.

I go into Monday on 63pts with my Wolves trio to play. Is a Doherty goal & cs, Moutinho assist and Jimenez goal too much to ask for?

Lady Gin started drinking while watching the rugby – which started at 3.15pm. Tonight could get messy.

Only 3 nights left…

Monday is eventful. In a good way, don’t worry! I take William to school and get invited back for coffee by one of the Mum’s 😉 Naturally, I accept two coffees, can’t hurry these things.

I then hear that I have been offered the job in Bristol. That’s great news and I’m delighted. Ironically I heard the news while undergoing a habitual residency test at the Job Centre

When I tell the Grumpy Bastard he can’t quite bring himself to say ‘well done’ or ‘congratulations’. I get a grunt instead. However, when Lady Gin arrives home from the hairdressers I get a big kiss and ‘congrats’. Ah she loves me really.

The evening sees all three of my Wolf pack selected to start. Which is about as good as it got. Newcastle scored so Doherty’s clean sheet disappeared and according to the twitter feed Jimenez missed a few chances and Moutinho swung in a few corners.

So I started the day with an unexpected coffee morning and ended it with a 69.

My score of soixante-neuf compares to an average of 57. There is a green arrow – I climb 488 places on the week! My new rank is 58,410.

Given the house and job situation I have to be satisfied and if FPL is the least productive part of my life right now, that kind of suits.

What to do for GW27? Kun blanks, Auba hosts Southampton yet I am really tempted to avoid the hokey-cokey. I’ll want Kun for West Ham at home in GW28. And I still have that jerkhead Hazard to deal with. Maybe I should just get Son in now for Hazard and bench the ever-rising Kun for a week.

Felipe Anderson could be shrewd also – the Hammers play Fulham in GW27 and are guaranteed to play in GW31 vs Huddersfield.

There is to time to contemplate and await any injury news. My advice, for what it’s worth, is to not go early on transfers. Be mindful of the blanks ahead and plan properly. See what happens with the FA Cup ties.

I’m off to build some beds, fit some curtains and wangle my way into another coffee morning 😉

See you all soon. Or as Frenchie would say, ‘à bientôt’.

Thanks for reading Fantasy Football Diary – Game-weeks 24 – 26. This article was written by Cookie

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