Captains Picks Fantasy Football Gameweek 31

Captains Picks Fantasy Football Gameweek 31 – Fantasy Premier League 2014/15

Welcome back to the Premier League Season. It seems as if it’s been ages since a league ball was last kicked but we have finally put the international break behind us. For fantasy managers and team managers alike this is very much crunch time. The hard work put in throughout the long season can be wrecked if you fail to get it right in the run in to season’s end.
Did your players make it through the break? Did they manage to make it through airport security without sustaining radiation poisoning from the screening process? Did your favourite player go broke paying the ridiculous fees associated with travel on American Airlines flights? Did Obafemi Martins’ injury ruin what would have otherwise been a great week? Wait, wrong forum for that.
To celebrate everyone’s favorite European festival of popular East Asian cinema – the Udine Far East Film Festival – this week’s article will have a cinematic theme. Lights… Camera… Action!

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[/three_fourth]5. EXIT TO EDEN – starring Eden Hazard (home vs Stoke)

Jose Mourinho manages an isolated football resort called The Bridge which offers high-end footballers an exclusive setting where they can bask in the aura of the Special One. Prospective players are presented at auctions by the most respected teams across Europe. As Head Coach and self-proclaimed deity, Jose gets first pick of the all players and chooses Eden Hazard, with whom he shares an immediate and undeniable chemistry which intensifies during their time together, resulting in league championships and, ultimately, love.
Rated R.

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[/three_fourth]4. SILVA LININGS PLAYBOOK – starring David Silva (away vs Crystal Palace)

A miniature man diagnosed with bipassing disorder is released from a psychiatric hospital and moves in his with his billionaire owner. Determined to win back his attacking form he meets recently acquired striker Wilfried Bony, who promises to help our pint-sized protagonist get his form back if he will enter a dance contest with Bony. After exhausting practice, the inch-high individual scores in four of his last five matches and his billionaire owner opens a restaurant with the money he won betting on his microscopic midfielder.
Rated PG-13.

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[/three_fourth]3. OLIVIER TWIST – starring Olivier Giroud (home vs Liverpool)

A handsome French orphan, seeking an escape from hunger and depair in Ligue 1, flees to North London in hopes of a better life. After falling in with a gang of pickpockets led by Van Pursestrings and his sidekick, $amir Na$ri, Olivier finds himself in trouble after attempting to pick the pocket of a model at the team hotel the night before the match. After public apologies Mr. Wenger takes Olivier home where the two co-exist happily. In the end, Van Pursestrings is revealed to be an over-priced, oft-injured git while his sidekick Na$ri is left fighting for a place in his team. Our story closes with the orphan scoring six goals in his team’s last five league games and he finds himself featured in some idiot’s fantasy Premier League captain’s article.
Rated PG-13.

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[/three_fourth]2. CHARLIE AND THE FOOTBALL FACTORY – starring Charlie Austin (away vs WBA, away vs Aston Villa)

Eager to escape the poverty of Championship League football, a young and destitute Charlie is lured to a football factory by an eccentric Englishman who has gone mad after being denied the coaching job for the England national team. After killing off several children, ‘Arry leads Charlie to a double gameweek room where Charlie is shown highlights from games against these two teams earlier this season. Charlie remembers scoring a hat-trick against West Brom and bagging a brace against Villa. In the end ‘Arry decides to captain young Charlie and gives him the keys to the football factory. While Charlie and ‘Arry travel to Charlie’s house in a glass elevator, ‘Arry rolls down the window and gives several transfer deadline days interviews.
Rated PG.

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[/three_fourth]1. WHEN HARRY NET SALLY – starring Harry Kane (away vs Burnley)

A young man and his soccer ball, Sally, embark on a road trip together. During their drive they discuss their differing ideas about relationships between footballers and soccer balls. Harry claims men and women can’t be friends because the scoring always gets in the way. Sally can’t claim anything because she is a soccer ball and doesn’t have a mouth. Five years later Harry and Sally meet again in a bookstore in North London. The two agree to have coffee and Harry explains his ex-girlfriend left him because he insisted on playing for a team whose crest is a chicken standing on a football. After leaving the café they take a walk and decide to be friends. Late one night, Sally calls Harry and tearfully explains her ex is going to marry a goalie’s glove. Harry unexpectedly nets Sally, and Harry quickly leaves the following morning. The scoring leads to discord and their friendship cools. Harry then professes his love for Sally at a New Year’s Eve party, which results in so much scoring that Harry eventually leads the league and is named this week’s Triple Platinum Big Hitter Differential.
Rated PG-13.

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[/three_fourth]Honorable Mention: COSTAGION – starring Diego Costa (home vs Stoke)

Returning from an international friendly Diego Costa returns to Stamford Bridge. During his side’s match against the mighty Orc Army Costa is unknowingly bitten by an orc named Shawcross. Costa becomes ill and is placed in isolation. The rest of the team becomes violently ill and the entire league follows suit shortly thereafter and is quarantined. After Costa submits to a battery of medical tests, FA Chairman Greg Dyke eventually identifies the cause of the illness and collaborates with WHO to produce and distribute a vaccine throughout European football leagues. Although he survives the Orc bite, Costa still suffers side effects and remains a constant threat for a red card when playing Stoke. There’s a happy ending yet: Chairman Dyke declares the Orc Army forever ineligible to participate in English football at any level and banishes them regional league rugby.
Rated R.

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[/three_fourth]Limited One-Week Engagements: DRIVING BENS TEKEY – starring Christian Benteke (away vs United, home vs QPR)

When an Aston Villa manager loses faith in his star striker his owner arranges for a Belgian striker to take the former star’s place. The manager is reluctant at first to let the Belgian drive his team but gradually starts to accept him. When the manager learns the Belgian doesn’t know English, the manager sets out to teach him and, in the process, learns the Belgian has many other skills, which includes scoring three goals and an assist in his last three matches. The Belgian arrives to the manager’s home one day and finds him mumbling about a double gameweek and wondering how the Belgian will perform. The film ends with the manager being admitted to the stadium while the Belgian striker feeds him goals.
Rated PG-13.

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WooFBet

We would like to remind you that our official partners, WooFBet, are again running a whole host of prize competitions, which will please many of you who are slowly building a lovely retirement nest egg, while others continue to persevere in the hope that this week will be their week! If you haven’t done so yet we recommend you get yourselves over to WooFBet.com as this week they have over €400 in free entry prizes and a whopping €1,150 in guaranteed pots. You also have the option to create your own tournaments and head-to-head challenges. Choose your rules and buy-in fee, and invite friends or leave it open for the public to challenge you.

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Thanks for reading Captain’s Picks Fantasy Football Gameweek 31. This article was written by Lawdogg

Follow @PlanoGooner

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Don’t forget to vote in this week’s Captain Poll

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