Fantasy Football Captain Picks Gameweek 27

And so Gameweek 27’s distant silhouette finally shuffles into view, hands in pocket, scuffing the soles of its sneakers with every slothful step, barely bothered that it kept everyone waiting. Spare a thought then for GW26, left with no choice but to linger, suspended in a moment, encased in FPL carbonite. Thus, we may at least still enjoy the preserved remains of a week that showed a strong showing from some of the more dependable captain candidates. Raheem Sterling (18 points) and Sergio Aguero (17) were the two biggest hitters. In fact they hit so hard that over 200,000 people suffered severe concussion and brought Aguero in for this weekend’s League Cup final. Other worthy mentions go to Paul Pogba (16) and Christian Eriksen (13) while Indian superstar Shah Rukh Khan would’ve undoubtedly appreciated the Boly/Wood contributions.

When GW27 does eventually arrive, it will bring with it a selection of unnervingly ordinary captain options. There are no David vs Goliath contests for us to happily go all in on. This of course gives the writer a chance to shoehorn in a few new names and provides a welcome respite from lazily serving up Mo Salah as the number one pick again. Huzzah!

RAUL JIMENÉZ | Bournemouth (A)

So seamlessly has Wolves’ Mexican top-scorer eased into life at Molineux, it’s easy to forget that Raul Jimenez isn’t even a permanent signing. However the West Midlands outfit will surely meet his £30m valuation this summer and parent club Benfica, fresh from humiliating Nacional 10-0, are hardly missing his goals.

A surprisingly subdued team performance in their draw at home to Newcastle United curtailed a 3 game run of form that had brought him 3 goals and an assist. Owners will be hoping for similar returns to that which served up 9 points in GW17’s reverse fixture, a 2-0 victory for Nuno’s men. Lying 5th in the form table, Moutinho, Jota, Neves et al are brimming with confidence.

Bournemouth, on the other hand, are not. That 4-0 thrashing of Chelsea could have been the catalyst for a surge up the league standings, yet have since fallen to both Cardiff and Liverpool without scoring. The absence of young David Brooks seems to have derailed any momentum they had and they look like wounded prey for this pack of Wolves.

ALEXANDRE LACAZETTE | Southampton (H)

Who knew that the Gunners were such fans of post-Britpop guitar anthems. Despite the ongoing soap opera surrounding the seldom seen kid Mesut Ozil and Aaron Ramsey’s imminently expiring contract laying the grounds for divorce, surely even the most pessimistic Arsenal fans weren’t anticipating that, in losing away to BATE, they’d see one day like this. Ok, that’s enough italics. The point is, Lacazette’s lackacomposure probably summed up how those poor travelling souls felt in the away end, though hopefully they wouldn’t have resorted to swinging an elbow.

I lied about the italics.

The Frenchman’s brief flash of petulance may prove to be a bonus for his FPL owners. Being out of the frame for that Europa League 2nd leg surely increases, one would imagine, the likelihood of him getting a full 90 minutes at the weekend. Not that Unai Emery needs much of an excuse to do that. 10 goals and 8 assists still leaves him trailing Pierre-Emerick ‘sicknote’ Aubameyang, but Alex is the man in form at The Emirates with 4 goals in 6 games. Hold on… Emery, Emerick, Emirates? What’s going on here? I thought they’d left all that incestuous wordplay nonsense behind when Arsenal parted with Arsene.

After an initial new manager bounce, visitors Southampton are in danger of reverting to type. Draws against Crystal Palace and Burnley, followed by a defeat to Cardiff City have seen them pick up only 2 points from 3 winnable fixtures. However, Saints fans will forever have a smile on their face while Ralph is in charge, as there are few greater joys than saying ‘Ralph Hasenhüttl’. Come on try it. ‘Hasenhüttl’. ‘Hasenhüttl’. ‘Ralph Hasenhüttl’ (Have I hit my minimum word count yet?).

HEUNG-MIN SON | Burnley (A)

As one of the few non-Son owners left, looking back over his prodigious run of points has been rather painful. Akin to peeking into a warehouse and finding out that all your friends are in there enjoying the party of their lives. Everyone except you.

The party’s been going on since GW11, so it seems almost frivolous to talk about ‘form’. That being said he has scored in all 3 games since his return from the Asian Cup and will rock up at Turf Moor this weekend armed with party horns and silly handshakes aplenty, hoping to add to his 11 goals and 7 assists. He’ll want to improve on his single point cameo in GW17’s last-gasp 1-0 victory the last time these teams met, though.

Sixth in the form table, Burnley are scrapping for their lives and showing the kind of spirit that embodied last year’s campaign. Dyche’s men are unbeaten in 7 games, though that obviously has nothing at all to do with the absence of Joe Hart, who lost his place in the team… erm… 7 games ago. The Clarets have been great at picking up points from relegation rivals and were of course moments away from a headline-stealing victory at Old Trafford. They’ll play their part in a game between two teams full to the brim with confidence.

MOHAMED SALAH | Manchester United (A)

“Nature repeats herself more than one would imagine. The sea has infinitely more variety.” Presumably had she still been around, Agatha Christie would’ve now added, “Thanks to Mo Salah’s recent dominance, FPL captain choices are also really repetitive.”

To be fair, a tricky fixture this gameweek poses more consternation than usual, though with Aguero out of contention this time round, for most it will boil down to a choice between Son and Salah. It would be astonishing if the various merits of The Egyptian talisman haven’t long since been branded indelibly into your minds, so how about this instead… Did you know whilst staying abroad in 2014, his educational programme was rescinded and so he was called back to Egypt to serve in the army? Yep. However, the Egyptian PM absolved him from such duties to allow him to focus on football.

“Oh, so he didn’t have to win a f***ing gold medal to get exemption then? That’s fair, innit?”  Yeah, all right. Pipe down, Son. Jeez.

With PSG fans’ “Ole”s still ringing in Ole’s ears, Manchester United will be keen to employ the lessons learned from that sobering Champions League reality-check. Motivation would hardly have been in short supply anyhow, given who the visitors to Old Trafford are this Sunday. The Red Devils will be concerned by the possible absences of Anthony Martial, who impressed in their win at Fulham, and Jesse Lingard, who scored United’s only goal in a 3-1 defeat at Anfield earlier this season. However, some reports are circulating that their injuries aren’t as bad as first feared, so watch this space. Or another space. Or just wait for the press conferences.

‘Ralph Hasenhüttl’. Tee hee.

Thanks for reading Fantasy Football Captain Picks Gameweek 27. This article was written by Bry.

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