Fantasy Football Captain Picks Gameweek 3
Welcome to Fantasy Football Captain Picks Gameweek 3
Last year, just before GW4 of last season, I was asked to write the Captain Picks article for that weekend. It would become my 4th consecutive season of being entrusted with such a responsibility. Your innocent eyes were waiting eagerly for the latest instalment…
I repaid FF247’s blind faith by vividly describing a series of explicit (and likely homo)erotic acts between you — an unsuspecting reader — and 5 formidable Premier League players who happened to have good fixtures on that weekend.
This year, just before GW3 of this (already rather tedious) new season, I’ve been asked to write the Captain Picks article for this weekend. It will become my 5th consecutive season of being entrusted with such a responsibility. Your violated eyes and palpitating hearts are probably dreading the following instalment…
I’m going to repay FF247’s unwavering faith by discussing some FPL captains.
Harry Kane vs Newcastle (H)
After seeing the fixtures, I marked Aston Villa (H) and Newcastle (H) down as “a pair of easy braces” for Harry Kane, who shook off his ‘August curse’ last season. That prophecy already appears to be fulfilling itself; Villa have made their part of the deal. It wasn’t exactly a revolutionary prediction. You may, however, have some concerns: yes, he barely scraped those late goals in Spurs’ opener at home; yes, he was almost entirely isolated up top whilst aimlessly chasing after Pep’s men; yes, he clearly wasn’t accustomed to braces during his childhood, and he was also probably unfamiliar with scoring in general until his ‘pwofessshunal’ career took off.
Forgive me. Not even one paragraph in before I regressed to more sexual content.
Anyway, moving swiftly on. The less obvious issue here might be the relatively cagey matches that Spurs and Newcastle have played out since the latter’s promotion. Each of those recent 4 fixtures have seen Spurs prevail by a narrow margin. They won 1–0 in both of their home matches, with Kane scoring the winner in the 2017/18 season; they managed to muster 2 goals in both of their corresponding away matches, with Kane getting booked in each one. Unconvincingly, that was it from him. Ruh roh.
That’s where Newcastle’s more recent fortune steps in. They conceded 3 goals last weekend when they travelled south to play Norwich and, in truth, this weekend’s coach journey back up north seems unlikely to feel any less bitter.
Form: 7
Fixture: 8
Explosiveness: 9
Sadio Salah vs Arsenal (H)
Over the very same 2-season period since Newcastle’s promotion, Salah’s been consistently tearing up the Premier League, effectively spoiling us as a reliable candidate for the captaincy in just about every Gameweek that passes by. Mané, too, has transformed into the (world-class?) winger that Klopp needed. Firmino’s rarely discussed on the same level by FPL managers due to (in general) making fewer direct goal contributions than said wingers. However, against Arsenal, all 3 members of the trio have lethal track records that warrant your team’s armband.
Salah racked up a goal and an assist in both Anfield clashes. He scored in the 3–3 draw during the 2017/18 season whilst playing away from home too.
Mané’s played Arsenal in 6 matches in the Premier League to date. Liverpool have scored heavily (and won) on all 4 occasions in which Mane’s grabbed a goal, including all 3 of his previous home matches, adding a bonus assist in the 2016/17 clash.
Firmino, for all of you crazy Wildcarders, actually has the richest history. His callous antics date back a season further: a home hat-trick in the 2018/19 season; a goal and an assist in both fixtures during the preceding season; a goal and an assist at home during the season before that; a home brace back when his wingers were Ibe and Lallana — yet, in a special way that only Arsenal could allow, a 90th-minute Joe Allen equaliser salvaged them another 3–3 draw.
Alright, there’s your lot. Compelling arguments for all — if you’re still awake, that is.
Form: 7
Fixture: 7
Explosiveness: 9
Raheem Sterling vs Bournemouth (A)
He might be listed 3rd here, but he won’t come 3rd in many captaincy polls for GW4 and beyond, it would seem. If he’s monogamous, he won’t come 3rd very often at all, but such comments are no longer mine to make. Bournemouth (A) probably looks familiar to many managers (myself included) who sold Salah shortly before the Christmas of last year. Adjacent away hat-tricks — oooft, yes, that’s even harder — can Sterling pull it off?
Arsenal are currently on a run. Granted, it’s only a 2-match win streak, but it sounds tricky enough to drive the FPL masses over from Salah to Sterling and burn those who stick.
Form: 9
Fixture: 7
Explosiveness: 9
Marcus Martial vs Crystal Palace (H)
Realistically speaking, your captain’s unlikely to come from beyond the pool of aforementioned names, but you could find significantly worse than this United pair. The masochists amongst you could even plump for AWB against a toothless Palace team that hasn’t scored a goal yet. Any takers? I mean for this captaincy punt…
It’s honestly nice to no longer feel obligated to force Lukaku jokes upon you.
Form: 8
Fixture: 8
Explosiveness: 7
Christian Pulisic vs Norwich (A)
Right, please, just hear this out. I’m running low on worthy ideas. Picture the scene: it’s an early kick-off. Early here (12:30) but particularly early for the Americans, who’re 5–8 hours behind us, tuning in to watch their beloved ‘soccer star’ in the ‘Prem-eeEeere’ League.
Imagine the hysteria when Pulisic (who boasts a rock-hard ‘K’ sound) gives the first-half goal-and-assist performance that only VAR prevented in the Super Cup this year. Better yet, imagine the hysteria that’d unfold if this actually happens, meaning that everybody would suddenly take me seriously. Hmmm, yeah, perhaps not. Hopefully not.
Form: 3
Fixture: 8
Explosiveness: 6
All of the best for the Gameweek ahead. Especially if last weekend’s anything to go by…
Thanks for reading Fantasy Football Captain Picks Gameweek 3. This article was written by jamesimmo
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***NEW ARTICLE – CAPO PICKS GW3***
The infamously late (not as in; dead), smuttily homoerotic Jamesimmo is back with yet more filth, albeit more subtely disguised….
Been waiting patiently for this. Thanks james. Have said that quite a few times tonight I guess. :good:
Now let me enjoy it.
Haha, thanks a lot, constantine. I hope that you did enjoy the read. Good luck with whichever forward you go for. Fly the Haller flag with pride!
Thanks very much James, some good nuggets in there.
Sterling or Salah for me this week.
You’re welcome, Kralin, anytime. I’d really struggle to choose between Salah and Sterling if I didn’t have the luxury of Kane for this weekend. Although my (vc) is currently on Salah, actually, Sterling would probably get my vote.
Sterling almost feels like a perma. He looks that good right now. That said, as a new Kane owner, I’m going for him simply because of Newcastle. As an ex-Salah owner…. I hope he pulls a hammy :popcorn:
Deulofeu making way there?
Welcome to Kane’s club. It’d almost be rude to not captain him for these particular fixtures.
I like that notion – it being a breach of decorum, or an act of bad manners, or somehow ‘unsporting’ not to captain a player.
Great and logic picks.
Thanks a lot James.
Me=Kane
Thank you, MHD, fingers crossed that Sterling doesn’t pull our pants down.
Very entertaining and enjoyable article! Thank you!
Since I don’t have the luxury of Kane in my team for the weekend, and I feel like giving one more chance to my current squad and not using my WC to get him (just yet), I am going for Sterling (C) and Martial (VC). I might alternate the two if I have too much to drink on Friday and suddenly become
More adventurous :drinks: :bop:
I’d be on Sterling out of those Tornado.
Surely it’s grav time for you?
http://www.gravatar.com/
Deadline is at 7pm on Friday don’t forget. Not that I’m making judgements, you may begin drinking anytime on Friday! :declare:
Well, it’s my bd tomorrow so I will probably start quite early :hippo:
Thanks for the reminder
I will have a look for a Gravatar after work
I’m glad that you liked it, Tornado, cheers! Wildcarding for Kane this early probably isn’t the smartest move, I agree, and many managers who *do* have him will go for Sterling anyway.
Good luck and enjoy that birthday session tomorrow!
Cheers James! Keep up the good work :locomotive:
Morning all
So I’m on WC, cos y’know, why not?
Still not going for a premium striker – Kane vs Newcastle would be nice but he would affect the balance too much.
Questions really are, how does it look and thoughts on Haller vs Jimi vs Barnes?
and Salah vs Mane?
I prefer my Kane teams if I’m being honest. Mainly because of Kane but also because it allows flexibility in terms of him / Auba / Kun whenever one of them has a plum home fixture which screams captain.
Yeah I get that but I’ll always cappo Sterling or Mane/Salah as they can smash any team – another cappo choice is a luxury I don’t need if it means downgrading (a lot) elsewhere.
Also I’ll never really want Kun as I have Sterling, he will share minutes with Jesus and he’s more expensive than Kane/Auba.
It certainly does, and I’m not saying it’s wrong. Probably boils down to one or the other. I’m on the other as we speak.
My feeling with Haller is he’s someone to check out first, rather than leap on in anticipation. If I were wildcarding I think I’d play it a bit safer – Jiminez, maybe.
Either that or some sort of Kane as a spearhead type side, but you have to wave goodbye to KdB I’d imagine to enable that, have Mane instead of Salah and VVD as your representative from the Liverpool defence, Ceballos etc.