Fantasy Premier League Captain Picks Gameweek 11

Fantasy Premier League Captain Picks Gameweek 11

Welcome to Fantasy Premier League Captain Picks Gameweek 11. Lists. They’re all over the internet. The problem is that most of them start with a few banal ‘under the radar’ choices that no-one cares about, ultimately ascending to a stonkingly obvious no.1; to wit, “Top 10 Hated Star Wars Characters”; “2001’s Most Shocking Incidents”; and “The Best 5 Football Management Simulators for your PC.” Discussing the lists’ also-rans is rarely little more than a thinly veiled ego-stroking exercise for the compiler to constipate the reader with unnecessary information in an overly verbose and periphrastic manner.

If you’re reading this, then perhaps you like lists; or maybe you’re the editor of this website and you’re proofreedin it; or maybe you simply like the suspense of scrolling down lists wondering how I’m going to create any form of tension when it’s really obvious that Aguero is number one? Well wait no longer, as we march onwards to Gameweek 11’s Captain Picks. First up is…

5. CHARLIE AUSTIN – Hull (a)
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[/three_fifth]The former QPR striker’s rhythm may have been disrupted by two tough games against Man City and Chelsea, but it’s hard not to imagine a Hull breach this weekend as the Tigers continue their Titanic descent to the Premier League’s seabed. With FPL’s big hitters hitting big of late, Austin may appeal to those looking for an ‘under the radar’ choice.

Having shamelessly ousted Shane Long (who himself was just getting used to Pelle not being around) from the Saints XI, Austin looks like he’s there for keeps. A fond fantasy favourite in days of yore, many had worried that he’d prematurely joined Michu in the FPL alumni never to grace our watchlists again. Prior to visiting the Etihad, the 27 year-old had scored 4 in as many games, so if he can pick up that form on Sunday he might just gazump a few of the bigger names and put you ahead of the curve, because rather like Pablo Escobar setting up shop in Wall Street this would create a stampede for Charlie.

4. ALEXIS SANCHEZ – Spurs (h)
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[/three_fifth]The first of three ‘I don’t have Sergio Aguero, can I leave just before the end?’ armband options, Sanchez takes on Spurs as the Gunners embark on a tricky couple of fixtures. With Olivier Giroud’s boyish looks degenerating daily behind a face of barbed wire, Wenger has cast him in a supporting role and the Chilean has relished taking centre stage. Farewell heartthrob, hello action man; and I’m not just talking your average Bruce Willis or Vin Diesel here either. I’m talking Arnie and Sly pureed in a blender with 10 Red Bulls and then mainlined into Chuck Norris.

Amazingly, Sanchez didn’t register a single goal against Burnley, Swansea or Middlesbrough, testing the patience of us all. Thankfully the last chance saloon was open for business and our hero Chuck Sanchez had soon cleared the place out with two goals to see off the mighty….erm… Sunderland to notch his 4th double digit FPL haul of this campaign. He faces a much sterner test in Sunday’s matinee facing the likes of Kyle Walker, Texas Ranger; so expect a blockbuster.

3. EDEN HAZARD – Everton (h)
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[/three_fifth]This time last year, Eden Hazard was a meek and fragile shadow of his 2014/15 self, phoning in nebulous performances with all the zest of an elderly man forlornly ejaculating into a filthy sock. Well, now he’s back to his old ways, weaving labyrinthine patterns around befuddled defenders and causing Chelsea fans around the world to furiously search and destroy any trace from social media the vitriol they spat in his direction only months prior.

8, 8, 14. Nope, not my four-digit ATM pin… oh crap. It is. Well, it also happens to be Hazard’s last three gameweek scores. In that time he’s been near the summit of almost every stat chart going: Goals (3, 1st), shots (12, 3rd), shots on target (5, 5th), shots in the box (9, 4th) and final third passes (61, 9th). Yeah, that was really boring. Remind me never to do that again.

2. PHILIPPE COUTINHO – Watford (h)
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[/three_fifth]The latest in about 33 (shout out to all our Freemason readers) South Americans mentioned in this article, Philippe is an early contender for player of the year. Inconsistency has always been his Achilles heel, but now even the proudest bikini model would begrudgingly wax lyrical about such a refined Brazilian. I asked Candice Rae, a WBFF Pro bikini model for her thoughts. Candice told me, “The amount of shots on goal Coutinho’s had thus far is testament to how effective Klopp’s gegenpressing has been at regaining possession in advanced areas… Ok, I read your stupid piece of paper, now leave my kitchen before I call the cops.”

Candice makes a great point; the Liverpool midfielder’s shot count of 41 is second only to Ibrahimovic (and let’s face it, who isn’t?) landing 16 on target. However, Walter Mazzarri has made Watford difficult to play against, conceding only a goal a game with the 6th best away record, so it wouldn’t be the biggest shock if Anfield witness a tighter game than they’re used to.

1. SERGIO AGUERO – Middlesbrough (h)
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[/three_fifth]16 points. Finally the force awakens. In fact, if J.J. Abrams made footballers, he’d probably make Sergio Aguero. Especially if the original Sergio Aguero already existed. Sure, he’d be a different ethnicity, his hair would be altered and perhaps even his gender changed. But we’d feel that warm glow of familiarity seeing Sarah Aguero arcing her second goal beyond a helpless Ben Foster. We’d be initially grateful to J.J. But then we’d feel cheated… then anger, because all he did was replicate a previous moment. Soon we’d all hate him cos, y’know, ‘anger leads to hate’ and all that. My point is, captaining Aguero this week would be a staggering display of unoriginality, an uninspiring doff of the cap to the past. Didn’t you SEE how Middlesbrough subdued Arsenal’s attack a fortnight ago? Submit to such blind reverence and you’re really no better than Abrams.

On the other hand, you’d probably sink about 500k in the rankings so I guess there’s that.

Thanks for reading Fantasy Premier League Captain Picks Gameweek 11. This article was written by Bryan Munich

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