Fantasy Football Captain Picks Gameweek 12

Welcome to Fantasy Football Captain Picks Gameweek 12. It’s not even midweek yet — you probably haven’t had a chance to clean your bed sheets from last weekend’s action — but, given FPL’s intrinsic infidelity, it’s already high time to recommence the search for your next one-gameweek stand and gently feel thei- ok, I’m sorry, not again. We’ve reached November now; things are getting serious. Shall we discuss a selection of 5 players who’ve performed well recently? What a novel concept. If every FPL manager who read this weighed in afterwards, perhaps the consensus could be visualised via some sort of online poll, revealing the trustworthiest of long-term armband-bearers. Frankly, if the FF247 admin can continually clear up the digital mess that I cause whilst uploading articles, anything’s possible. Let’s carry that cautious optimism over to candidate No. 1 for this weekend…

Mohamed Salah vs Fulham (H)
Fulham have somehow conceded 29 goals already: that’s 4 more than lacklustre Burnley allowed, 5 more than lowly Cardiff have shipped and 11 more than the Man United backline became permeable to. Many would argue that Man City, who have the honour of hosting the latter flops on Sunday evening, are the go-to team for goals and captains again; some would argue, in fairness, that Pep’s tactical genius is actually down to his baldness and the 10 minutes per day of contemplation time that he gains from not having to scrub his infertile scalp. Twitter’s a wonderful place.

I digress. Only against The Champions has he, Mo Salah, blanked at home so far. His collated Anfield scores: {8, 8, 8, 3, 15, __} and, whilst it’s a daunting task to mathematically predict what’s next in that absurd sequence, my gut instincts tell me that it’ll be considerably greater than 3 points, which arguably illustrates why I’m a dubious physicist. The takeaway: any other captaincy this weekend seems equally questionable.

Form: 7
Fixture: 9
Explosiveness: 8

Eden Hazard vs Everton (H)

Fitness questions are floating around already and the European matches haven’t even unfolded yet; this hinges on Sarri dutifully confirming that’s Hazard’s ready for a 90-minute session again before the gameweek deadline. Everton, regardless, love to concede precisely 2 goals whilst on their travels this year! How convenient.

It’s worth noting that Eden has a similar anti-blank home record: {4, 11, 20, 10, 1, 4, __} is even harder to predict, with those 4s coming from two 20-something-minute cameos, two substitutions that won Chelsea the match through Hazard’s influence. That aggravatingly burning rash (of temptation) from last weekend, one that may well be teasing you towards dumping him for Sterling, should clear up quickly once this dwarf starts waddling again.

Form: 6
Fixture: 7
Explosiveness: 8

Marko Arnautovic vs Huddersfield (A)

Look, let’s face facts, Huddersfield’s first win of the season on Monday doesn’t really change things; West Ham aren’t quite Fulham-level dire. I appreciate that I’ve not made the sexiest of comparisons there: very few people would willingly choose between their severely disabled aunt and frail grandma. Most people, however, would reluctantly acknowledge that hefty Marko Arnautovic has more than enough in his locker to destroy both of them. That’s what I fear for Wagner’s lot. His inexpensive squad, that is, not for his most elderly female family members.

I’m anxiously aware that ‘7’ is generous for a man who’s just returned to full fitness, but he looked pretty potent against Burnley’s defence recently, a real poacher who can also bully and run at defences with the ball near his feet. Here’s your frisky differential…

Form: 7
Fixture: 7
Explosiveness: 7

Raheem Agüero vs Man United (H)

Man City — a dead horse that gets flogged too much in these Captaincy articles — have dispatched two visitors with a 6-1 scoreline since the season started. It’s a 100% record that boasts 5-0 and 3-0 wins to boot. Utterly disgusting. Man United aren’t exactly alien to feeling the wrath of these merciless 6-1 pummellings; the more mathematically-minded amongst you will have deduced that DdG has already conceded 18 goals. If that figure hasn’t breached the 20s by Sunday evening? Marko can become my 3rd-scariest uncle.

If possible, I’d recommend one from this semi-named (please read that carefully) pair of staggeringly fluid forwards, but I can’t even guess Pep’s rotated line-up for the Shakhtar match. Frankly, if you currently own both, you’re doing far too well to take my advice.

Form: 8
Fixture: 6
Explosiveness: 8

Sadio Mané vs Fulham (H)

Fulham have somehow conceded 29 goals already: that’s 4 more than lacklustre Burnley allowed, 5 more than lowly… I jest. Actually, no, I copy-and-paste. The sentiment remains nonetheless; Liverpool should absolutely spank Fulham on Sunday lunchtime.

I could’ve promoted either Callum Wilson or Harry Kane here, both talented and poised with a decent fixture, but it would’ve been disrespectful to Mr Forehead’s goalscoring abilities. If captaining Salah somehow doesn’t appeal, or perhaps you don’t own him these days, Mané’s got you covered. Probably.

Form: 6
Fixture: 9
Explosiveness: 7

Good luck, folks, especially if you risk it with a Saturday captain! Kane’s due….

Thanks for reading Fantasy Football Captain Picks Gameweek 12. This article was written by James.

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